WE TOO HAVE TEARS

WE TOO HAVE TEARS....

This may sound familiar to my friends in armed forces.

Yesterday my younger son was asking me if I could come over and witness the annual day celebrations of his school and see him performing the role of a flower in a small drama. Sitting in this remotest hinterland of India, so called red corridor,  I said I will come, thinking how mean it was of me to tell him a cruel lie, but I also know that I’am incapable of answering him any other way . Just as I felt sorry for him, he said in a subtle voice,

 “Don’t worry father, I know you can’t come. It’s ok. I will tell my mother to send you my photographs”. 

My heart sinks and I felt depressed. It was then that the memories of a small incident that happened early in July this year thronged into my mind like waves of a rising tide and I just wanted to get it off my chest. 

I couldn’t even make out how my thirty days earned leave had gone by so fast and came the penultimate day in the company of my kids. Everyone and everything seemed to be engulfed in an aura of melancholia. My wife was a little nervous about the fact that my birthday falls on the day I’am leaving the house which according to her is ill-omened. While submitting my leave application, I never actually knew that the day I had to board the train for my return journey would exactly coincide with my birthday. Nevertheless, I’am least bothered about these trivial issues as birthdays are not of much relevance in armed forces.

 I spent the whole day playing around with my sons and packing up my suitcase, stuffing every corner of it with some homemade eatables.  

We ate our dinner together and called it an early night so that I could catch the “Raptisagar Express” leaving Trivandrum early in the morning. My two sons were on both side of me and the small chit chat we had in the bed lasted till their tiny eyes drifted off to sleep. They know it’s their father’s way of telling adieu to them as I have never woken them early in the morning to say good bye. 

I woke up on my ‘birthday’ to find myself a bit gloomy. I found my kids still asleep with lights low and my wife was there in the kitchen preparing some breakfast for me. I finished my morning ablutions, took a shower and went to the prayer room without disturbing them. Thereafter I got dressed up and ensured that everything associated with my journey is in order.  

 It was still dark outside and I thought it’s now the time for me to leave. Just when I was about to call my brother who would drop me at the railway station, I saw to my surprise, standing there right in front me was my elder son Akshit with his eyelids so heavy . Taken aback, I looked at my wife. She came near and with a tense smile etched on her face said in a subtle voice.

 “I have to tell you something. Akshit told me yesterday that he wanted to give you a surprise birthday gift before you leave for the railway station” she paused, looked at my eyes and said, “This is important for him”

When he slowly trudged towards me, I leaned forward and gave a tender peck on his cheek. I obliged when he asked me to kneel down. He then wrapped his tiny arms around my neck and gave me a kiss. Thereafter he reached into his pocket, pulled out a small cover and opened it. That was a scrap paper. It has something written on it. “This is for you father”. He then reclined his head against my shoulder and murmured into my ear, “Happy birthday”. 

No sooner had I finished reading the small greetings card he made all by himself, than I felt overwhelmed by emotions. It was written, “I love you father, also happy birthday”. That really threw me. I hugged him tight. I could not prevent a fleck of tear welling up in the corner of my eyes. “Oh sweet, Thank you my dear son” My voice chocked. I squeezed my eyes tighter and turned to the other side to prevent him from seeing my face. 

When I slowly opened my eyes after a while, alas.., I saw the tiny figure of my younger son standing there. I didn’t know when he came up and stood quietly behind his elder brother. He stood there for a moment, looked at me a little long and then slowly turned around and walked back inside the bed room. Iam convinced that he has gone to sleep and thus decided not to pursue him.
  

Meanwhile I heard my brother calling me from the gate. Now it’s time to give those silent little customary kisses on the cheek of my kids and bid adieu. I stood up and went to the bed room to give a kiss to my younger son. It was dark inside and I found on the farthest corner of the bed he was sitting there facing in the opposite direction.

 “Oh… he has not yet slept …” I wondered.  I went up to him and called him with a sigh of surprise in my voice.
 “Hey, what are you doing here?” 
   
He didn’t turn around. I placed my hand onto his back and called him affectionately in a whisper. “Achu…!”   

This time he shuddered and slowly turned around to face me with tears running down his eyes. He was crying silently. I was stunned. I didn’t know what to do. I sat down beside him without saying a word, wiped the tears from his face and pulled him into a hug. Bursting instantly into tears he reclined on my chest. While consoling him, I noticed something guardedly kept in his hand. 

“What is this Achu?” This time my face wore a curious expression.  He then silently gave me a small piece of paper with something written on it. 

“I love you my father and also love my mother.” That was a greeting card he made for me with much difficulty while attempting to replicate his brother. I couldn’t say anything as the voice chocked inside me. I hugged him again and gave a few pecks on his soft little cheek. I felt his hand caressing my face and in a subtle voice with tears still rolling down he said, “Don’t go father”. As the lump in my throat started growing, I swallowed it with all the emotional strength I could muster and went out of the room silently, picked my suitcase and left.  

For any armed force officer, struggle to triumph over the difficulties is more important for them. They are afraid that people who know them as tough commandos will discover they have another soft hearted side too. 

I miss my kids every minute of the day. I will keep these cards till my last breath.

I apologize for your time.